I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
