A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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