I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize