I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
