I cockslap morals
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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