We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
