I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
