Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize