Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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