This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
