he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
