I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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