So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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