Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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