once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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