rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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