my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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