is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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