I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
