I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
