Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I can't turn off my feet"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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