hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
