we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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