everyone is single if you try hard enough
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
