I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
