Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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