Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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