I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
