Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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