u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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