Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
