i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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