i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
