Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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