hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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