there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
