first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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