i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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