What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
