**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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