So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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