I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
