if you like me you must not know who I am
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
