So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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