i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
