i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize