This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just had sex on a roof
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
