Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
