Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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