i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
