If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize