For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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