You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
