some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She even gives head with a lisp.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
