The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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