She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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