I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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