I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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