you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
