my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
