I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
This house was built for laser tag.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
