There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
