Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
