there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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