Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
not ubering you a puppy
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